How to say goodbye to your foster dog
It’s here, the day you’ve been waiting for, working toward, anticipating, and sometimes even dreading: you found out your foster is being adopted. Sometimes this happens on the same day that they go home, sometimes it’s a week or a few days before. Your heart fills with a mixture of sadness, anxiety, hope, excitement, panic, and love.
Here are some things that are TOTALLY NORMAL to feel in that moment:
NERVOUS/WORRIED/ANXIOUS
I ALWAYS worry about my fosters when they leave me. I’m a control freak. I worry that their adopters will move too fast, forget what I tell them, drop a leash, leave a door open, touch a sensitive spot, do an introduction too fast. There are infinite things to worry about. All you can do is set a dog up for success by writing a “go home letter” (more on that later), and hope for the best. You can’t control everything. You’ve done your part, it’s time to let someone else take over. And remember, a week, or a month, or however long ago this dog came into your home, you too were a stranger! If you and the dog were able to work it out and get to where you are, the new adopter will only be able to do it faster and better with your advice and progress.
SUPER SAD!
IT’S NORMAL TO CRY! Let it out! Sit there, hold the dog, cry big fat tears. Then, get back to work. Start prepping the dog for going home, write your letter, package all their things up. Then play “leaving on a jet plane” and take 47 photos of the dog with its “suitcase” and cry again. Share a spoon full of peanut butter and take 88 more photos. Just remember that this will pass. I promise, I swear, on everything I hold dear, it will get easier. I think the day you find out that the dog is leaving and the day that they leave are the hardest. Once you’re past that day, do your best to be grateful for the experience. If you’re lucky you’ll get updates from the adopter or the rescue and you’ll feel wonderful. Think about how no matter what, you saved that dog, and you gave him or her the greatest gift—life in a forever home.
PANIC/REGRET ABOUT NOT FOSTER FAILING
This is COMMON! I think with about 50% of the dogs I have at least 1 moment of being like “WAIT I SHOULD HAVE KEPT THIS ONE!” For a select few, it’s really real. Like, cry, panic, sob while exclaiming that no one will ever make the dog happy and it would be worth never fostering again. Spoiler alert: I have survived all of them. Some I am still sad about (looking at you Truffle, you magnificent hairless chicken you. 24 hours in my home forever in my heart.) But I never regret it, because it has meant being able to continue fostering. Another thing I do if I’m really, really upset is tell myself “if he/she gets returned, then it was meant to be.” So far, this has not happened with any of my last-minute-panic fosters. I also remind myself that my job as a foster is NOT to fail. I will only keep a dog if that dog, and my current dogs, can have THE BEST POSSIBLE life with me. If they can have a wonderful life elsewhere, then I should keep my spot open.
THRILLED AND EXCITED!!!
Your foster dog is going home!! This is a wonderful, amazing, achievement. You’ve reached your goal. Even if your heart is sad, try to also feel happy! The more you dwell on the sadness the more overwhelming it will feel, but if you make it a positive thing you will remember that this is what you’ve been working toward. Make a little sign that says “I”m ADOPTED!” and take a picture of the dog with it to share later on instagram and brag about how you saved this dog. Because YOU DID! And that’s worth celebrating.
RELIEVED
Dogs. are. work. Especially if you don’t have a dog of your own or the dog was a royal pain in the ass, you may feel a sense of relief or even happiness that the dog is leaving your home and becoming someone else’s responsibility. Don’t feel bad. As long as you did your job to keep the dog safe, fed, clean, moderately trained, and healthy in your care, you’ve done your part. And it’s ok to be glad that the coonhound that wakes up at 6 am is gone and now you can snooze until noon. (Miss ya Marnie!) Roll your rug back out, fold up the crate and enjoy being able to walk in your apartment again. You deserve it.
Prepare the dog and the adopters for success with a “go home” kit
Scotty’s “go home letter”
(Part 2 is at the bottom of this blog post)
Write a “Go Home letter”!
This is a letter that explains everything about your foster dog, and how you think the adopter can best integrate the dog into your home. Ideally you’d send this ahead of time so that the adopter can ask questions and clarifications before the dog gets home. If you are not able to meet the adopter, ask the rescue if you can print a physical copy that they will hand to the adopter. This is your best chance to be proactive, and it will always be appreciated by the adopter!
Here’s what goes in my go home letters:
All history of the dog that I know including where it came from, the date it arrived to my home, and anything else relevant there
A typical day’s routine including where the dog sleeps, what time we do meals and walks, crate time, etc.
Food, medication, and supplements. I include the brand and how much they are eating, and if it’s something that could be confusing I include a photo or link in an email
Behavioral quirks or particular likes and dislikes and any watch-outs. Here is where I include if a dog is very reactive to squirrels or doesn’t like having their paws touched. Hopefully a lot of this will have been discussed by you or the rescue in the adoption interview, but it never hurts to have it written down on paper and reiterated again
Training we’ve done. I give a list of what we’ve worked on (leash walking and the type of collar or harness the dog is walking on with a link to it), slow dog intros, crate training, etc. I also list any commands the dog knows (go to your bed, paw, sit hand signals)
My information. I include my email address and instagram handle and mention that I would love to get updates. All you can do is hope you’ll hear from them! Try not to set any expectations for yourself. If you don’t hear anything in a few days you can check in with the rescue, but know that if they heard anything they’d likely let you know.
Create a “go home bag”
Peeps and her “go home bag”
This is the physical version of the go home letter. I put a bag together with the following:
Enough food for a few days so the adopter can transition to what they choose to feed
All medications/preventatives the dog has been given while in my care
A martingale collar with my tag on it. I have found that most adopters do not think to bring a tag. I always tell them to just keep the tag, because I’d rather the dog has information on him or her than not, until they get one of their own. I also send a martingale collar that I know I have properly fit and is not escapable
A blanket or towel that smells like our home if the dog is an anxious one and I feel it will comfort them
Any particular favorite toy/bed, something that I think will help the dog transition
A physical copy of the go home letter
After the dog leaves, make sure to celebrate!
Very early on in this journey we started taking a tequila shot as a celebration when a dog got adopted. After 5+ years of fostering I am now in my very, very late twenties and lately we’ve been choosing to celebrate with a nice glass of red wine instead. Any drink you love will do— and if you don’t want to have alcohol, I think a celebratory milkshake sounds incredible. I like having a drink because you can hold it up and CHEERS, with your partner or your roommates, or just with yourself, and remind yourself that it’s a celebration, not a sad day. Post a picture on your social media celebrating! I also know people who print out photos and put them up on a wall or in an album. There are lots of creative things to do to celebrate the dogs who have made an imprint on your life and in your heart.
Before Scotty went home, I made sure to take a nice photo of him with the girls!
Scotty’s “go home” letter
Part 2
